


I'll Make a Man Out of You

by empressearwig



Category: Psy-Changeling - Nalini Singh
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Loss of Virginity, Pining, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 13:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8058961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empressearwig/pseuds/empressearwig
Summary: 15 Years in the Desert by Ben Stone





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tosca1390](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tosca1390/gifts).



> This took far longer than I anticipated to write, and so it spanned the publication of two different books. I don't think there's any canon inconsistencies, but if there are, just know that I started this a very long time ago.
> 
> For Emma. Always.

i. 

Ben didn't like Tai anymore.

He didn't like not liking Tai, because Tai helped out with night tracking classes for school and his soccer team, and Tai was always nice to him. 

None of that other stuff mattered, because all of that had happened before.

Now, when Marlee and her friends raced to go watch Tai and the other soldiers train after school and whispered about which of them was the cutest (Ben was a wolf--he had _excellent_ hearing, thank you very much), well, that meant that Tai was now Ben's sworn enemy. It didn't matter that Tai was practically mated to Evie.

Marlee was _his_. It didn't matter that she didn't know it yet. 

Ben's wolf said so. And his wolf was never wrong, no matter what his mom said.

Today, Tai and Riordan were sparring in the White Zone, while practically everyone in the den gathered around to watch. Marlee and her friends had pushed their way to the front of the circle and were staring open-mouthed as they watched. There had been frantic whispers about how Tai and Riordan were shirtless. Ben thought it was silly that they cared so much about that. He could be shirtless right now if he shifted. No one would care. They were wolves.

Marlee's friend Daphne whispered something in her ear. Marlee's cheeks turned red and she giggled. 

_Giggled_. 

Marlee.

Marlee didn't giggle. 

He couldn't watch anymore and left the crowd of people to go sulk. 

He didn't want to stay in the White Zone where he could still hear the cheers from the sparring session, so he headed back into the den. Maybe his mom would let him have cookies before dinner if he looked especially pathetic. Contemplating this, he didn't see Hawke before he bumped into him when going through the den's entrance.

"Benny," Hawke said, settling his big hands on Ben's shoulders to steady him. "Something on your mind?"

Ben looked up at Hawke, considered. He knew Hawke was alpha, but Hawke was his friend too. And Hawke could be trusted. He almost never told on Ben when he caught Ben doing something he wasn't supposed to. 

"I hate Tai," Ben said, and scowled.

Hawke bent down so that he was at Ben's height. He didn't ask Ben why he hated Tai, but said, "Patience, Ben."

"But she's mine," Ben said. "Why does she like Tai instead?"

"Girls do strange things sometimes," Hawke said solemnly. "It's good to learn that while you're young."

Ben scowled some more. "I don't want to be young."

"Trust me, you do," Hawke said. He patted Ben on the shoulder and stood. "It'll all work out the way it's supposed to, Benny. You just have to believe that."

"Promise?" Ben asked. Promises meant something, so if Hawke promised, it must be true.

Hawke looked a little sad, but he nodded. "Promise. Now, do you want to go for a run with me? If you're not too busy, that is."

Ben brightened immediately. It might not be having Marlee's undivided attention, but a run with the alpha, just the two of them, was almost as good _and_ he could brag about it to his friends for weeks. "Yes!"

"Let's go then," Hawke said. 

He set off and Ben rushed to keep up with Hawke's longer legs. Once they were clear of the den, they stashed their clothes and shifted. They didn't go past the sparring session and that's why Hawke was the best. 

Unlike Tai. 

ii. 

Sienna was one of Ben's very favorite people in the den, but Ben had one enormous problem with her.

Kit.

Now that Sienna was friends with him, Kit came to visit her in the den way more often than Ben thought was okay. Especially since Kit had replaced Tai as the object of Marlee's affection.

And it just wasn't _fair_. It wasn't Ben's fault that his hands were too small to help fix Marlee's braids or that he wasn't tall and couldn't take Marlee on runs with her friends that she wouldn't have been able to go on otherwise. Ben wanted to be able to do those things too, he just wasn't big enough.

If he were big enough, he'd make Kit go away. Far away. He told Sienna so.

Sienna didn't laugh at him like other grown ups would have done, which was one of the reasons he liked her. "Is Kit mean?" she asked.

"No," Ben admitted reluctantly, because he didn't want to lie. "He's nice."

"Then, why--" Sienna started to asked and then stopped at Ben's scowl. "Oh."

She sat down on the ground and patted the spot next to her. Ben took the spot, though secretly he wished he'd sat in her lap instead. But he was too big for that now, even if he didn't want to be.

"You know," Sienna said, stroking her hand gently over his hair, "Hawke didn't always want to be my mate."

Ben looked up at her in surprise. That wasn't true at all. "Yes, he did."

Now, Sienna laughed. "You're right, he did," she said. She petted him some more. "But he didn't want to want to be my mate. Do you know why?"

"Because he was older?" Ben asked. He didn't actually understand that, not really. Neither did his wolf. Mates were mates. But it was true that Sienna had made Hawke scowly for a long time, and Ben hadn't understood that either, because Sienna wasn't a scowly person.

"Mostly because of that," Sienna said. "I needed to grow up first."

Ben heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't want to wait that long."

Sienna cuddled him against her side and it was nice. Ben wanted Marlee to cuddle him too. "I know," she said. "But it's not just you that needs to grow up. Marlee needs to grow up too."

"She's bigger than me," Ben said.

"Yes," Sienna said, nodding her head in agreement. "But just because she's bigger doesn't mean she doesn't need to grow up too."

Ben sighed again. He knew Sienna was probably right, but that didn't mean he had to like it. "When will we be grown up enough?"

"Sooner than I want," Sienna said. She kissed the top of his head. "Why don't you go tell Hawke about your plans to get rid of Kit? I think you'll find him in total agreement with you."

Ben scrambled to his feet. "Okay!" He started back toward the den and then turned back. "Sinna?"

She smiled at him. "Yes?"

"If Marlee weren't my mate, I'd want you to be," he told her, all seriousness.

Her smile got wider. "Me too, Ben."

Ben grinned and ran off to find Hawke.

iii. 

Ben was ten now and despite what people said, he wasn't so little anymore. He understood things that he hadn't when he was younger, like why no matter how much he wanted Marlee to be his, she wasn't. Yet. She was going to be, he was sure of that, but just because he knew that didn't mean she did.

So he tried to understand when he saw Marlee like other boys, even though it made his wolf want to bite and claw. And mostly he did, but when Marlee started making those terrible sighing noises about Walker's friend Aden, well, Ben didn't understand that at all. At least when she'd liked Tai or Kit or the boys in her year, they'd been changelings. Ben understood that. 

But Aden was a _psy_. He smelled funny and he never smiled. And he was mated. Marlee didn't have any business sighing over someone who was mated. His wolf agreed.

They both wanted to bite her, to claim her as his, to stop her from being so silly. But they both knew that would be a mistake.

His mom would yell. A lot. And probably his dad. And Walker. And maybe even Hawke.

Ben did not like being yelled at by his alpha. Or his mom.

He went to see Lara instead.

He knocked on the door to the Lauren's quarters and waited. 

Lara answered the door, and looked exasperated. "I told Walker I'd be fine, I don't need to be--" Her gaze dropped to Ben's height. "Oh. I was expecting someone else."

Ben grinned. Lara was going to have another baby and Walker was driving her crazy, Marlee had told him. "It's just me."

Lara's face softened. "I can see that. Are you one of Walker's spies?"

He shook his head. "No, ma'am."

She stepped back so he could come inside. "Then you're allowed to come in. But sweetheart, Marlee's not here."

"I know," Ben said. He sat down at the kitchen table and watched as Lara automatically went to pull out cookies. "I wanted to see you."

Lara raised an eyebrow as she set a plate down in front of him. "Over Marlee? I'm flattered."

Ben scowled at the cookies. "She's busy."

"Yes, she's helping Walker and Aden out with--Oh." 

Ben bit into a cookie so he couldn't say anything.

Lara reached over to run her fingers through his hair. His wolf liked the petting, even if he wanted it to come from someone else. "Marlee thinks she might want to be a teacher, like Walker, did she tell you?"

Ben nodded.

"So, her offer to help at the school might have more to do with that than any of the teachers at the school. Hypothetically."

Ben made a face. "She thinks he's handsome."

Lara looked apologetic. "Well, he is."

"Lara!" Ben was offended.

"You will be too," she said. "You just need to grow up a little bit more first. You'll see."

Ben sighed. He was very tired of being told that he needed to grow up. "But when will I be grown up enough for Marlee to like me like that?"

He never got an answer, because the door to the quarters opened and Marlee ran through, followed by Walker.

"Ben!" she said, looking surprised. "Did we have plans?"

Ben looked desperately at Lara.

Lara winked at him and then turned to her daughter. "No," she said. "He's one of your father's army of spies."

Walker nodded, his face not betraying the lie. "That's right. Thank you, Ben."

"I never get cookies when it's my turn to spy," Marlee grumbled. 

Ben held one out to her and their fingers brushed when she took it. His wolf settled, reassured by the contact. "Want to go for a run?"

Marlee looked up at Walker. He nodded again. "Don't be late," he said. "It's a school night."

Ben didn't wait for anything else to be said, just grabbed Marlee's hand and went for the door. She laughed as she ran along behind him, their fingers intertwined.

Maybe he couldn't have her yet, maybe he couldn't have her for years. But he could have this. And it would have to be enough.

iv. 

In the eight years since Ben and Marlee had become friends, there had been many things that Ben didn't understand about her.

He didn't understand her love of ribbons. He didn't get why she wrinkled up her nose when someone offered her strawberries. He didn't get why she was still scared of spiders when she was so much bigger than them.

But most of all, more than anything, Ben didn't understand her taste in men.

It had taken a long time but Ben finally understood what everyone always meant when they said that he and Marlee were too young to be mated. He didn't like it--and his wolf definitely didn't like it--but he understood.

Marlee was leaving the den every day to go to the local high school. She was learning things and doing things that Ben knew that he wasn't ready to do too. They were still friends--and they were definitely still mates, Ben's wolf was sure of that--but Ben needed to do the things that twelve year olds did and Marlee needed to do the things that sixteen year olds did.

He would wait. He would grow up. And then they would be mates.

But in the meantime, that didn't mean he had to understand why Marlee seemed to have a crush on Kaleb Krychek of all people.

Ben knew that Kaleb was good now, because he had helped save the Net for the other Psys, who weren't in a web like Marlee was. He had met Sahara and he knew that she was way too nice to be mated to someone bad. Besides, Judd trusted Kaleb and that was good enough for Ben.

Kaleb was scary, though. Marlee wasn't supposed to like scary people.

"I don't understand," he said to Judd, while Judd was helping him run the obstacle course.

Judd didn't sigh, but Ben could tell that he wanted to. Instead, he cupped his hands together to give Ben a boost onto the climbing wall. "I don't know, Ben."

Ben scowled as he started to climb. "You're her uncle."

Judd started to climb next to him. "You're her best friend."

"But you're _psy_ ," Ben said, in frustration. "Can't you just--"

"Read her mind?" Judd finished for him. He beat Ben to the top of the wall. "You know we don't don't do work that way."

Judd's voice was an unneeded reproach. Ben did know. "I'm sorry. I just," he blew out a breath as he joined Judd at the top of the wall. "I don't understand."

Judd patted him on the shoulder. "It will pass, you know."

"I know," Ben said miserably.

"You're not worried about Kaleb," Judd said. "What are you worried about really?"

"What if she always likes guys like that?" Ben asked. "I can't be like that. I'm just me!"

"I'm pretty sure that Kaleb is one of a kind," Judd said dryly.

Ben turned his head to glare. "Judd!"

"I'm sorry," Judd said, clapping Ben on the shoulder and spotting him as they started the descent back down.

They climbed in silence until Judd spoke again. "Do you know that Marlee is your mate?"

Ben hesitated. He did, but he didn't say it outloud to grownups, because grownups didn't believe him. But Judd had asked, so-- "Yes."

"Then you have nothing to worry about." Judd finished the descent and watched Ben approvingly as he reached the ground. "Good job," Judd told him, and ruffled his hair. "You'll make a good nephew-in-law some day."

Ben squirmed away from Judd's hand. "Judd!"

A smile crossed Judd's face, and he hooked an arm around Ben's neck. "Come on. Let's see what treats you can charm out of Aisha."

Ben's stomach growled in response and Judd laughed.

Aisha fed them cookies and Ben didn't think about Kaleb Krychek once.

v. 

Ben was fourteen when Marlee got her first serious boyfriend. His name was Bryan and he was a leopard from Dark River who was a year younger than Marlee. Ben's wolf hated him at first sight.

Ben wanted to hate him too, but he couldn't quite manage it. Bryan was nice. 

He was good to Marlee and he didn't make fun of their friendship or try to make Marlee stop being friends with the baby the way that other boys Marlee had gone out with had. Those boys never lasted long.

So Ben gritted his teeth and did nothing when Bryan and Marlee strolled through the den hand in hand. He did nothing when he saw them kissing in the White Zone, Marlee's back pressed against one of the big conifer trees. He didn't even do anything when he walked in on them in the Lauren family quarters, Marlee's shirt on the ground and Bryan's hands on her body.

Instead, he walked away and went for a long, punishing run and when he came back, he was able to meet Maree's worried eyes and apologies for forgetting their plans with a laugh and a hug. 

Marlee wasn't his yet. He just had to keep telling himself that.

But a day came when Ben couldn't talk his wolf down anymore, when he couldn't stop himself from throwing a punch at Bryan, despite Marlee's horrified cries.

Bryan didn't hit him back, but stood taller against Ben's onslaught. The kindness--the understanding--that Ben saw on Bryan's face just made Ben want to hit him more.

"What's going on?" asked Toby, above the noise of the crowd that had surrounded them. He looked at Ben's bruised knuckles and Bryan's red jaw and the tears on Marlee's cheeks, and made an instant assessment. "Bryan, Marlee, get out of here. Ben, come with me."

Ben watched Bryan lead Marlee away, and he wanted to run after them, to take Marlee in his arms and comfort her. But he knew that with this, he'd lost that right. He didn't want it to be for good.

Heart aching, his wolf howling, Ben followed Toby to his quarters in the soldier's part of the den.

Toby gestured for him to sit on the bed and Ben sat. Toby crouched in front of him, looking at Ben's hand, making him flex and stretch it to test for injury. 

"Well, I don't think you broke anything," Toby said finally. "But you should still see Lara."

Ben grimaced.

Toby laughed and stood. "You know she'll track you down once word gets back to her if you don't."

Ben knew that Toby was right, but--"She's going to be mad at me."

"She's going to be worried about you," Toby corrected. He leaned back against his desk. "What happened?"

Ben's cheeks went red. He really didn't want to talk about this with Marlee's older brother. "Er," Ben said, stalling for time. People said he was too smart for his own good all the time. Surely he could come up with a believable lie.

"Just tell me," Toby said. "If you do, maybe I can make it easier for you when Hawke finds out."

Ben groaned, burying his head in his hands. There was no way he was getting out of this without spending some serious time scrubbing pots in the kitchens.

Finally, he looked up at Toby. "Marlee smelled different," he said, as simply as he could, willing Toby to understand so that he didn't have to say what neither of them needed to hear and what neither of them needed to know.

At first, Toby looked confused. Then, Ben could see it sink in. "Oh," said Toby, blinking furiously. "Oh."

"Yes," said Ben. "Oh."

Toby nodded to no one but himself, and then refocused, looking at Ben with kind, understanding eyes. "You must have known that might happen."

"I did," said Ben. "But knowing it might happen and knowing it did…" He shook his head. "I couldn't control my wolf."

His wolf nodded and buried his head in his paws in shame.

They stared at each other for a long moment. "You're just still so young, Ben," Toby said.finally. "I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear."

"But it's true," Ben said. "I know."

"It's not so much longer now," Toby said. "Just think of how long you've waited already. Whatever waiting you still have to do is nothing to that."

"That's true," Ben said. "But it doesn't help."

"I know," Toby said. He gave Ben a rueful smile. "I'm rooting for you, though."

"I'm rooting for me, too," Ben said and Toby laughed.

"Come on," Toby said. "I'll walk you down to the clinic and maybe we can talk Lara into talking Hawke out of whatever punishment you're going to get.

Ben brightened, just a little. "Do you think she can?"

"No," said Toby, as he escorted Ben out of his quarters. "But at least it's worth the try."

vi. 

**Five Years Later**

Ben was out on patrol with Tai when the force of the mating bond tore through his chest. He almost dropped to his knees, but Tai's quick reflexes kept him standing. 

"What's going on? Ben?" Tai asked urgently, as he fumbled for his sat phone with his spare hand. "Do I need to call for an evac?"

"Mating bond," Ben managed to gasp out. He tried to steady himself without Tai's support.

A wide smile crossed Tai's face and he thumped Ben on the back, almost sending him to his knees after all. "Marlee?" I didn't even know you two were finally seeing each other."

"We're not," Ben said shortly, fumbling for his own phone.

"But--" Tai said, looking confused.

"Something must be wrong," Ben said, his voice grim. "Marlee wouldn't have been able to initiate the bond otherwise. She wouldn't have wanted to."

"Go," said Tai, and Ben had to be grateful to his lieutenant for sparing him the indignity of trying to explain. 

Ben shed his back and shifted, loping towards the den as fast as he was able.

*

When Ben got back to the den, he headed straight for Marlee's quarters, still in wolf form. He found her there, Sienna's arms around her. She looked like she was in shock.

At the sight of him, Sienna untangled herself from Marlee and came towards him. "There was a landslide on the patrol you were originally scheduled for. She didn't realize you'd switched shifts and panicked."

Ben looked up at her, feeling helpless. This was the thing he had wanted more than anything for as long as he could remember. It was here and he had no idea what to do.

"The others are fine, just a broken arm and some bruises. I'll just leave you two to...talk." Sienna let herself out, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Unable to bear Marlee's stillness any longer, he shifted and stood in front of his mate with everything he had ever hoped for written all over his face. "Marlee?"

She threw herself into his arms. 

"I was so scared," she sobbed into his neck. "So scared and then it happened and why didn't you ever _tell_ me?"

She pulled back and shoved him.

"Why, Ben?" Why didn't you ever say something?"

Exasperated, Ben looked at her and took her arms in his hands. "When was I supposed to say something? When I was four? Or when I was ten? Or when I was fourteen? I had to grow up. We had to grow up."

"But we are grown up and you still never said anything!"

"Because I'm a nineteen year old novice soldier and I wanted to have something to offer you first!" Ben roared, not shaking her but wanting to. He stopped, took a breath. He tried to calm his racing heart, before fixing his eyes on his mate's face. "Marlee. Can we start over?"

Marlee nodded, her pale green eyes held fast on his face.

He slid his hands down her arms, took her hands in his. "Marlee. You are my mate. I love you. Did you know that? I have wanted this every day since you appeared in this den, before I even knew what it was that I wanted." He paused for a breath, smiled at her. "I love you, did I say that part yet?"

Marlee nodded again, and there were tears in her eyes.

"I just thought you should know." He smiled at her again. "Do you have anything you want to say to me?"

"You're my _mate_ ," Marlee said, all astonishment. She lifted a hand to touch his cheek. "I can't believe I didn't always know that."

Ben kissed her fingers, a teasing glint in this eyes. "Anything else you want to say to me?"

Marlee smiled, the impish one that had tugged on his heart strings since he was four years old. She slid her arms around his neck, bringing their bodies into alignment, fitting them together the way that Ben had always known that they would.

"Marlee," he growled.

She pressed closer. "Hey, Ben?"

He refused to be budged. "Yes, Marlee?"

"I love you, you know. I always have."

His eyes closed and he let out a shuddering breath. He had wanted this so badly for so long and was finally here. It was too much.

"Ben?" Marlee cupped his cheek, tangling her fingers in his hair. There was a ghost of a kiss against his throat. "You okay?"

He kissed her.

It was raw, intense, full of fifteen years worth of feelings. She kissed him back the same way, as if they were each trying to draw the other inside them, because anything else would leave them too far apart. 

He lifted her in his arms, carried her to the bed. They didn't stop kissing.

Together, they drew off Marlee's dress. At the first skin to skin contact, Ben thought that his body would go up in flames.

Marlee's hands touched, clutched at his back and shoulders. He pressed kisses to her throat, the tops of her breasts. Marlee groaned and her nails dug into his skin, as her legs curled around his.

"Don't tease," she gasped.

Ben smiled and bit her, ever so gently. He flicked open the front clasp on her bra and feasted.

"I've dreamed of this," he said, against her skin. Lips, tongue, breath, they were all tools to be used in service of driving Marlee wild and he was determined to do exactly that. He had fifteen years of fantasies to work out and he intended to make a down payment.

Marlee clutched at his head, holding him against her breasts. "More, damn you."

"You don't like?" Ben asked, raising his head to take in the sight of her. Hair disheveled, cheeks flushed, lips swollen. She had never looked more beautiful to him. She was his.

In answer--and in a freakish show of strength that Ben wasn’t expecting--Marlee flipped their positions, so that Ben was the one on his back. "I'll show you what I don't like," she threatened, before taking his mouth with hers.

Her hands traced over his chest and lower. Despite knowing where she was headed, when she took him in her hand, he almost bucked off the bed. 

She looked up at him, gave him a wicked smile. "I'll be gentle," she promised.

She slid her body lower, until she was balanced on his thighs. She pressed kisses to his chest, her hair trailing against his skin was another torture. Ben tried to think, to decide if he should tell her--

Her mouth went around him and he went cross-eyed.

"Marlee," he managed, voice strangled. "You don't--I mean, I should--"

"I'm just fine," she said, almost laughing, and went back to doing exactly what she had been doing.

Hot.

Wet.

Ben wasn't sure he'd ever enjoyed something as much as this. Her tongue was doing things that he didn't have words for, and her hand was just right and this was all going to be over so much faster than he wanted it to be.

"Marlee," he tried again. "Marlee."

She sucked harder and he came, shouting her name.

When he could think again, Marlee was curled up against his chest, pressing idle kisses against whatever skin she could reach. She looked very smug.

She looked up at him, eyes bright. "I think you liked that."

"I think you killed me," Ben countered, drawing her up and kissing her hard. "Goddamn."

Marlee traced her fingers across the expanse of his chest. "I thought you deserved a reward for your patience."

"About that." Ben coughed, and looked up at the ceiling. "I need to tell you something."

He could feel Marlee looking at him. He made himself say it.

"I hadn't done that before." He gestured broadly around the room. "I haven't done _this_ before."

Marlee propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at him with a frown. "Excuse me?"

He blew out a breath. He really didn't want to actually have to put it into words. "I am… oh god, please don't make me say it."

She said it for him. "You're a virgin."

Ben nodded, miserably.

"You're a virgin," she repeated, in disbelief. "But I've seen you with girls! Lots of them."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Spying?"

"Watching," Marlee said loftily. She poked him in the chest. "No changing the subject. Do you mean to tell me that you didn't do anything with any of them?"

"No," Ben admitted. He took Marlee's hand in his and lace their fingers together. "But my wolf knew that we were mates even then. He didn't like it when I tried to go out with other girls."

Marlee's face melted into the purest expression of delight Ben had ever seen. "That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard." She threw herself into his arms and kissed him until Ben couldn't breathe.

When they finally broke apart, she looked down at him, shaking her head with a smile. "A virgin."

Ben groaned. They did not need to belabor the point. "We don't need to make a big deal about it."

Marlee shook her head. "Don't worry," she said, patting him gently on the chest. "I'll be gentle."

In self defense, he pinned her beneath him and kissed her. After that, there was no more discussion to be had about his virginity or about anything else.

And to Ben's eternal delight, she wasn't gentle at all.


End file.
